Holy shit! Someone robbed Santa!!!

Posted: December 17, 2014 in short stories
Tags: ,


#Black Santa


“So, I am shouting, and he is screaming and everybody is laughing and it’s the flawless definition of—Pandemonium!”


This was the height of it! I had always heard dad talk about how corrupt our country had become, and how people could steal anything, (even your imaginations!) He would rant bitterly every evening by the fireplace, sniffing his tobacco powder and drinking from his pepper red mug that was always half filled with dry gin.

I usually sat by his side most of those evenings, trying to comprehend, with my seven years old reasoning faculty, the cliché of a speech dad was always making.

But today, the puzzle had singlehandedly solved itself!

Standing right in front of me was Santa, a fake Santa! A black mo’fucker dressed in Santa’s spotless red and white attire!

Santa had never visited me before but I knew this was a shameless thief because Santa wasn’t Nigerian! (Sweet Jesus, The Nigger even mugged Santa’s shoes too!!!)

My seven years old brain parted into crystal sections of confusion as I stared at the figure in front of me. My  newest buddy, Santa, was definitely on his way to deliver my  first set of Santa wish-list gifts, and this lowlife must have hijacked him! Damn, Santa was lying naked around the corner! (…The thought of his rumpled old ass in public, yuck!)  I needed to do something; I needed to do it quickly! And so I made a wild dive at the imposter! Tearing and screaming: “Pull this off, pull it off you corrupt politician” (I didn’t know what a politician meant but I could gather from my father’s sermons, that it meant: an evil demon of theft), and whilst I was at it, black Santa was shouting “Help, Help, this kid has gone high on fake drugs!”

I dragged his white beards off in the hassle, and screamed even louder, because my fears had been confirmed!  The bloody barbarian had skinned off Santa’s  signature beards!

Someone pulled me off the criminal, and I turned around to see that it was my mum that halted my attack on the politician! She was laughing and dad was behind her chuckling too!

I felt ashamed for dad! Now I knew why he always complained to the inanimate burning coals, he couldn’t face it, he couldn’t face corruption in its face!

“Take your gift you spoilt brat!” The now quizzically dressed black Santa said, shoving a gift into my hand and banging our sitting room door behind him as he left.

I looked up and saw that mum and dad were still laughing, I couldn’t be part of this, I couldn’t be part of this corruption and so I smashed the stolen package against the closest wall and ran into my room, flying on the wings of pride, because, today, I fought for Santa, I wrestled dad’s worst enemy—Corruption.

  1. sheldonk2014 says:

    To hear your take on Santa it doesn’t seem that uncommon. There a lot things about religion that have change over the yrs. It’s a good read

    Liked by 1 person

  2. orples says:

    You do a pretty good job of entertaining your audience for being a ‘rookie’ blogger. I loved this piece. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Fake-Out Santa, what the heck? Twice now i have witness of two corrupt bums. At least your fake was male. I dun set my baby daughter down on the lap of a Fake-Out Santa that was a woman. My girls now thirty and swears she’s gonna give me payback one day. What have these politicians done to our Christmas glory?

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Awele says:

    Now this was very nice…..very funny too….Good job!!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. DotedOn says:

    Very funny! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. […] 2)  Moses Oghenegare Kelvin at fictionlimbo fights Corruption and a corrupt politician in Holy shit! Someone robbed Santa!!! […]

    Liked by 2 people

  7. danicapiche says:

    Thanks so much for this one! I like your story-telling style and looking forward to more 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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